Stars Chase the Sun

The Painter and the Pianist by Lionello Balestrieri

I think comparison is a tendency we all have. Why isn't my life more exciting? Why do they get to have that when I don't? Why is it that I can work hard and still not earn everything I wish for? Life can be rather fickle that way. I suddenly became acutely aware of how free other people seemed and romanticized their ability to live with so much ease and joy in their own bodies. In contrast, I felt like I could barely live with myself. I wanted so deeply to have inner peace that it felt like everyone was happier than I was, and it was incredibly unfair. But that wasn't true, at least not in the way I believed. And now I think it's a pity that I spent so much time comparing when I could have taken inspiration from those very same people. I didn't want their lives, not really. I wanted the happiness I believed they possessed. A lot of these feelings, when unpacked, reveal so much about ourselves.

If you are chasing something external to feel at peace with yourself, the cycle seems to never end. But it was our choice when we said, "No, this is enough. I am content with the way things are." If there is one thing I learned from these experiences and the personal growth that was required to overcome them, it is that becoming the person you want to be is rarely a linear path. It's a cycle of forward and backward movement that slowly gets you to a good place. It takes time. And while we don't know that we're there yet, we know that it will get easier.

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